I'll take Manhattan

I remember taking the train to New York City with my mother to see the Rockettes perform on stage at Rockefeller Center. My mom looked sharp and I looked pretty cute dressed in a green satin dress with matching purse, my hair in curly locks. I remember the shoes vividly. They were patent leather Queen Anne heels. Those heels may have only been an age-appropriate three quarters of an inch high, but to a 7-year-old, they may as well have been stilettos. The excitement of Manhattan was almost overwhelming. My mother, a former dancer, loved New York. When she was in the city, she lit up like the Chrysler building. She lived there in her youth and always had some very exciting stories to tell. After the show, we went out for chocolate sundaes and she gave me the G-rated version of her life in New York all the back to Connecticut. From that day on, New York was in my dreams.

Jump ahead one year. My brother was 18 and I was 8. We boarded the bus early in the morning for the New York World's Fair. I didn't sleep a wink the night before. I was so excited about the trip, especially the idea of being away from my parents. I can still picture my brother in his knee-length black wool coat and hat. He looked quite dashing. I was dressed in a plaid skirt and white shirt, with black patent leather Mary Jane's that clicked when I walked. We arrived at the World's Fair and my little mind went into overdrive. I fantasized about being alone in this city, or with a boyfriend. I even fantasized that Steve was my boyfriend. (I've always had a very overactive imagination).

By age 12, we had left Connecticut and moved back to my birthplace, Miami. I never forgot New York. I developed an obsession with Woody Allen after seeing Annie Hall (my brother took me to a Woody Allen film festival when I was 13) that I have yet to shake. I'm not sure if it was the black horned-rim glasses or our mutual love of New York, but watching a Woody Allen film became my soul food. I would get lost in the black-and-white New York that only Woody could bring to the screen, and I'd fantasize of living there one day.

How I ended up in California at 15 is another story but I can tell you that I've been trying to get back to New York since. I dream of New York. My house is adorned with New York photos and books and memorabilia. I own 19 New York mugs that I drink my coffee out of each morning. I have New York days where I pretend I live in New York. On these days I eat only New York food - perhaps some deli or pizza followed by a black-and-white cookie. I watch episodes of Sex in the City or a favorite New York movie like Annie Hall or Manhattan or When Harry Met Sally. Or some days I just dream, in black and white.

"New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment." -Brendan Behan