Cheers to life

Where does the time go? I can't believe it's almost 2006. What a year. I remember the time following my mother's death. It was 2003 and things seemed like they would never be normal again. Not that life is ever really normal, at least in my world. My marriage fell apart and
I moved out. Michael and I reconnected as friends. I never thought I'd find love in someone I'd known for so many years.

We discovered each other throughout 2004 and my life changed in many ways. I had never lived alone. What a wonderful experience it was to look out of my Santa Monica apartment at a city alive with such a cast of characters. It was excruciating at times; especially bedtime alone. All the demons came out at night, questioning every move I made in those days. I rarely slept but was able to accomplish a lot in the wee hours of the morning.

I also became a grandmother in 2004. There was a time when I would stumble over the word "grandmother" and would even refer to my grandson as "my Eliot." I've left that behavior behind and have found that nothing in my life has given me such joy, and such heartache. Goodbyes are always treacherous, as Eliot lives far away, as does my other grandson. Yes, in 2004, my daughter announced that she was pregnant, as did my 40-year-old sister.

Michael proposed in 2004 and we moved in together. I always thought that living together with someone brought adjustments and compromise. With Michael, it was just a natural transition. No angst, no adjustments, it was like we'd been together our whole lives. Mr. Zen meets passionate Italian. Funny how those two go together so well.

In 2005, I became a grandmother for the second time. Riley Blythe was born. I also became an aunt to Hazel. What a trip. Babies all over the place. My romantic side tells me my mother is doing her thing up there, making sure we're all allright. One only has to look in Hazel's eyes to know that my mother is present.

I also married Michael in 2005. The wedding was dreamlike, complete with opera singers, a Sinatra-like band and lots of friends and family. It was one of the happiest days of my life.

What I've learned in the last three years is this: Never think things can't change in a moment or that things can't get better. I was so down years ago, stressed, sad, trapped. Leaving my former marriage was devastating. It was such a change for someone who never lived her life alone. But being alone offers silence and a time for self-discovery. I learned that I can make it on my own, sleep alone, feed myself, survive. I learned that you can find love in unusual places, and that it's never too late to find true love. I've learned that romance can be kept alive if you're with the right person; that you don't have to try hard to make a relationship work, that it just does when it's right. I've learned that love doesn't come with conditions; that even in the worst times (and Michael and I have had some real doozies to face) we still love each other deeply, and we respect each other - no yelling, no name calling - just respect. Most of all I've learned I really don't romanticize life out of proportion; life is a romantic adventure. Most importantly, I've learned that fairy tales do come true.

Michael told me once that the key to a successful life is two things: passion and compassion. I would have to agree. Here's to an exciting, invigorating, compassionate and passionate 2006.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away." -anonymous