It's never too late to have a happy childhood

"I think the people to feel saddest for are people... who had the doors closed for them by time and neglect and decisions made in times of weakness," Douglas Coupland says.

We move forward with our beautiful life, but bad choices made in the past in times of weakness cannot be taken back. Like a cancer, it penetrates from the inside out. Children who will never know their father, former spouses who can't, or just refuse to move on. So we have to.

I sometimes wonder what life would be like if we'd found our way to each other sooner. I remember a phone call. We'd been acquaintances for many years, friends I guess. Casual conversations about my genius son or his genius daughter; questions about a new symptom I'd picked up from too much reading. But this call was different.

"I'm thinking of leaving my wife," he said. "I just can't take it anymore." Anyone who came in contact with him could see his unhappiness, but a lack of information only leads to assumptions. I assumed it was a bad marriage. I knew the signs firsthand.

Hmmmm, silence. "I'm thinking of leaving my husband." The words floated out of my head like a bubble in a comic strip, but they stayed safe in my brain. I think I knew if I told him how miserable my life was, he would have asked to see me; you know, misery loves company. But I kept my secret to myself. I didn't want to offer anything other than my condolences. What he didn't need, and what I didn't need, was temptation in a time of weakness.

Some people are not as moralistic. They see someone in a time of weakness and they swoop in, like a vulture. When they're finished, after they've picked and chewed and spit out the last pieces, there's not much left; just some bones and skin and pieces of a life you once did everything to protect. He tells me how glad he is that I have morals; that I never preyed on a married man for if I had, he couldn't have ever really loved and respected me.

So we talk about the mistakes and he sees things clearly. He finally can claim his life. Old friends and family are back and love surrounds him. In between self-analysis and philosophical long talks, we dance through the house and love and laugh, and I hold him and love him and hope he can let go of the anger he feels for everyone who took advantage of his kindness, his vulnerability, his lack of self-esteem. He wishes he could do his life over. Cut out the bad decisions he made in times of weakness that resulted in a loss of self.

"We're all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions, moral choices. Some are on a grand scale, most of these choices are on lesser points. But we define ourselves by the choices we have made. We are, in fact, the sum total of our choices. Events unfold so unpredictably, so unfairly, Human happiness does not seem to be included in the design of creation. it is only we, with our capacity to love that give meaning to the indifferent universe. And yet, most human beings seem to have the ability to keep trying and even try to find joy from simple things, like their family, their work, and from the hope that future generations might understand more." -Professor Levy, "Crimes and Misdemeanors"