Will you still need me, will you still feed me...
I sat in a restaurant last night, waiting for my friend to arrive. In the booth across sat a black couple- the man, late 60s, gray hair and a thin white mustache giving him a distinguised look, his wife, probably late 50s, attractive, well-dressed. They ordered the same- a chopped salad, two shrimp parmesans, two glasses of chardonnay.
I couldn't help but hear their conversation. They had just come from a doctor's appointment. She recalled the doctor's words to her husband.
"He says your memory is better, you're improving."
He replied, "Really, that's good to hear, but it sure doesn't seem that way sometimes."
The waitress brought their salad and he seemed confused.
"What are those things on top?" he asked.
"Garbanzo beans," she replied. "You know, honey, garbanzo beans, you've had them many times before.
The man answered with frustration in his voice, "This really stinks, this memory loss, you know."
She held his hands and began to tell a story.
"You know honey, today I was telling Pam how I love to iron your shirts and smell your scent as the steam brings it to my nose. It makes me happy," she said.
"Oh, and what did she say?" he asked.
"She said she wanted to throw up," the wife said.
The two laughed for what seemed like forever. I felt so priviliged to be a part of their world, even if only from a distance. What love. To be able to make that man feel so special, even in the face of something as demeaning as memory loss. For better or for worse, as the vows say. This was the other side of worse.
I felt that kind of love for my mother as her memory crept away. Few ever experience that kind of love, especially with a spouse or partner. Oh, to love that big. We should all be that lucky. It's hard enough to find someone you really love in the truest sense, but to love someone unconditionally, that's real love.
"You're my knight in shining armor, and don't you forget it. You're gonna get back on that horse, and I'm going to be right behind you."--Ethel Thayer
"I don't like horses."--Norman Thayer
Posted at January 13, 2005 8:50 PM
Comments
This has to be the nicest thing I've read in quite some time.
None of my old people are senile, yet. But this story is, by all accounts, adorable.
so good to see you at the wedding. you looked absolutely stunning.
i love reading yr words. you should update as often as you can.
xoxo
I got a bit misty, reading that. Moments like that - loves like that - are magic. Thanks.
Human beings are not disposable.
Sometimes love exacts a very high price but you get your self respect in return.
It is just that self respect can be a very thin gruel.
But we wouldn't change it.
A very nice observation. :)
Thanks for sharing that voyeuristic moment. It's important to know that there are still good, loving people in the world. If love doesn't make us 'good', what does?
It made me wonder if I love, in all the right places. My dad was here, only two days ago, I wanted him to go, yet, knew he needed to be here. Not well, throwing up, not getting all the way into the bathroom before doing so. Ewww, but he is my dad, with his crazy ways that don't stop because he can't go ... I love him ... I love him so.
That brought a smile to my face.
Typically, I'd wonder why the couple's race had any relevance to the story. However, in this case, it seems appropriate. We rarely read, see, or hear such moving anecdotes about black folk. In mainstream media, it seems blacks are good for raunchy sex and violence, but love and sweetness are reserved for the civilized lighter-skinned elite.
I find your wit refreshing and wish I could be as creative as your daughter and as brilliant as your son, alas, I must play the hand I've been dealt.
Be well.
Just like the wings of a peacock, real love can be so fascinating.
Hi! So it goes. I just don't have much to say recently, but whatever. thanks for posting. levetra buying
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This has to be the nicest thing I've read in quite some time.
Posted by: ramanan at January 14, 2005 7:45 AM