she won't let you fly, but she might let you sing

Michael made a comment this morning: "When you have kids, you put your life on hold for 20 years."

I recently had a discussion with Summer about the impact of children on a person's life. I was a young mother who relied on advice from the wise: my mother, mother-in-law, aunts, and anyone else who had more knowledge than myself. No books written by so-called "experts" on parenting. (I always wondered what the kids of those "experts" think about their parents).

I'd put on my bikini, grab some drinks and snacks, and head off to the beach, one-month old in hand. For hours I'd bake in the sun while my son slept under an umbrella. As he grew up, he'd read under the umbrella while I baked. (He was 2 at the time- this is Andy we're talking about - if laptops were available back then he'd probably have been using one).

I worked after Andy was 2, and with Summer, began working when she was just a baby. My financial situation didn't afford me the luxury of staying home. This was pre-Internet , fax and cell phones. I could have easily found a way to support myself if it were today.

Did I put my life on hold? Sure. But was it because of my kids? Hardly. It was my own decision to stay close to my mother and family although it is hard to rip a kid out of school when they have ties to friends. Home schooling was a thing for kooks back then, not the acceptable alternative to education that it's become today.

If I were the adventerous type, I might have done things differently, maybe have taken the kids to another country to live for a while or settled down in Manhattan. Instead, I chose to live the rock-n-roll life in Los Angeles, which brought its own adventures. Many parents would never consider the business I was in. My kids may have a different opinion, but I think they had fun. I guess time will tell. Maybe someday they'll be sharing stories with their therapist.

Should we put our lives on hold for our children? Summer's soon-to-be husband commented that when we put our lives on hold for our kids, we take things out on them or resent them. I found that harsh, yet I have to see the point that so many people revolve their entire lives around their children and when the kids finally break away, whether to hang with their friends or leave for college, the parent is left empty.

I also wondered why parents are always seeking the right place to raise their kids, usually outside of the city. Are kids born and raised in the middle of New York City at a disadvantage? Is being exposed to that much reality and culture bad for them? Would they be better off in a little house on the prairie? Doubtful. If given the choice as an adult, I'd venture to say that most would probably say they'd have chosen the city life. (As Woody Allen says, "I can't live in the country...you have the moths, and possibly the Manson family...")

Bottom line, life is short. Why should you have to put your life on hold for your kids? Why can't your kid be by your side as you adventure through life? Would it really hurt a kid to ride the New York subway to school with his friends or live in Paris for a year while mom studied? If mom loved practicing medicine or law, would it hurt the child to be in school while mom did what she loved as long as mom balanced her life between work and home? Wouldn't mom be happier and wouldn't the child grow up feeliing a sense of pride for mom's accomplishments?

I say go for it. Kids will find something wrong with you whether you're Joan Crawford or Carol Brady. No matter what you do, they'll eventually find some fault in the way you raised them. So why not be happy yourself and accomplish your dreams with your child by your side. In the end, you'll both be better for it. Worse case scenario, your child will have some wild stories to tell their shrink when they grow up.

"You see a few years ago, I was living in Vegas with this girl. Show girl. She was in that show Elvis On Ice. Anywho, we drifted apart as people do in these complicated times and then a couple of months ago, she shows up with my son, Cool, and tells me "You watch him. I shot someone. I have to leave the country."... That's a parent?" -Larry Buckman