The yin and the yang

All this talk about happiness has me thinking again about the dark and the light. As the great philosopher Woody Allen says, it's hard to have a good time when someone else is suffering.

I watch the tsunami disaster unfold before the world's eyes, feeling some kind of numb. I remember the Twin Towers collapsing, the city I love under attack. Somehow, I felt a greater impact. I guess when you're world's away, you can detach yourself, like the war in Iraq. I see the horrific pictures of bloody children, I read the news, then I eat breakfast and go about my day like all of us.

I've never been able to see the light without the dark. A child's happy face sparks thoughts of the one being abused. A beautiful sunset sparks thoughts of the last sunset I'll ever see. This is my struggle. The only peace I've found is accepting the realization that life is short. I live in California and that joke I've been hearing for years about Arizona becoming a beachfront community when we break off into the ocean doesn't sound very funny right now. My mother and grandmother both died of breast cancer. I could move to an earthquake-free state and have my breasts removed, then get hit by a bus.

Maybe my grandmother was right- "When it's your time, it's your time." So I drink my espresso and eat my low-carb breakfast of sausage and tomatoes (if I'm going to die I'd at least like to be a good-looking corpse) while fumbling through news sites, stopping occasionally to view the horror in the world. I stop for a moment and have a selfish thought that I'm sure we all feel - Thank God it's not me or someone I love.

Harry: Why don't you have a dark side? No you're probably one of those cheerful people who dots their eyes with little hearts.
Sally: I have just as much of a dark side as the next person.
Harry: Oh really. When I buy a new book I always read the last page first that way in case I die before I finish I know how it ends. That my friend is a dark side.
Sally: That doesn't mean you're deep or anything I mean... yes, basically I'm a happy person...
Harry: So am I.
Sally: ...and I don't see that there's anything wrong with that.
Harry: Of course not you're too busy being happy. Do you ever think about death?
Sally: Yes.
Harry: Sure you do, a fleeting thought that jumps in and out of the transient of your mind. I spend hours, I spend days...
Sally: And you think that makes you a better person.
Harry: Look, when the shit comes down I'm gonna be prepared and you're not that's all I'm saying.
Sally: And in the mean time you're gonna ruin your whole life waiting for it.