Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
Since my mother’s death, I keep picturing her ashes in a box. It makes life seem so meaningless. We all end up as worm food, or if we choose, burned into a few pounds of ashes. A few weeks ago, Bryan and I went to see B.B. King and Jeff Beck. Beck was incredible. I may not be as over-the-top into him as Bryan, but the guy is really one of the best guitar players I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen them all.
Following Beck, B.B. King at 77 years old blew everyone away. I watched these old, black fingers go at lightening speed at times and wondered what his secret was for staying so cool at such a ripe old age. I also saw his ashes as I watched him play. I found it so sad to think about the talent that leaves the earth when someone like that dies. Yes, the music lives on, but the person who dies doesn't get to enjoy it anymore. I guess I'm self-centered. It's a nice thought that I could leave some kind of legacy behind when I die, but how shitty that the fun ends for me. It's very romantic to picture Jimi Hendrix hanging out with Janis Joplin in heaven, but come on, are we really that stupid?
I wish I believed that the soul and spirit live on, but in reality, I’m beginning to think it’s all a bunch of bullshit that’s been spoon-fed down our throats by our parents since we were little kids. A big, soft feather comforter to throw over ourselves to shelter us from the reality of the truth - that when you bite the dust, the lights go out for good and all that’s left is just that. Dust
Posted at August 14, 2003 12:20 PM
Comments
that is totally how i felt after my grandmother passed away. thank you so much for sharing.
thats totally not how i have been feeling since my grandpa and my sister died. i really think of them permanently and i know they are there. i feel them. i feel them watching me, sometimes, and i even would go so far that i sometimes have a feeling, as if they show me the right way. there is no religious belief in me, but there is one thing that can partly take my fear of death away: meeting them when its over. thats my own religion.
best wishes!
I never talk about this...
My grandpa was IT in our family. Not only was he just a hell of a guy, but a musician, an artist, a gardener, a counselor and a teacher...
When he died I was so messed up. My grandma was greiving and decided to visit my Aunt in Florida to cope and get out of that big, empty, quiet house. She was down there for a week and was suddenly stricken with peritinitis (sp?!) and almost died. I was so pissed and disenchanted with everything, everybeing, everyone. I thought "What the f*ck!? This is totally unfair. What kind of a sick joke is being played on me? What is the point?"
I hear a little of that. It slowly got better. I feel like now, if I can make a little difference here...give a little joy, provide comfort to someone...its worth it. I know it sounds a bit "pollyanna" but it makes my time here on Earth feel even better...worth something. You know?
Thanks for sharing. You aren't alone.
p.s. Thank God for my Grandma. She survived and is still with me...
"I wish I believed that the soul and spirit live on, but in reality, I’m beginning to think it’s all a bunch of bullshit that’s been spoon-fed down our throats by our parents since we were little kids."
I'm pretty much of the same opinion, but I'm also one of those people who have never lost anyone close to me. I've wondered if I would suddenly find faith in such things if I found out that I had a fatal disease. Part of me thinks it would be a great coping mechanism to have (having faith), but part of me thinks that it would be such a hypocritical thing to develop in that situation. I hope I never have to make that decision.
A year or two ago I spent a couple of hours reading about "near death" experiences at... www.near-death.com (I think - yep). I remember coming away thinking that was the closest thing I could get to an answer to the dust question. Most of the stories are unsubstantiated and therefore suspect, but if it's true... Oh well, I guess I'll find out someday.
It is sad when someone, especially those who are close to you in one way or another, dies.
I, too, don't believe there's an afterlife and the like. We die. Period.
Sometimes it's difficult to comprehend the purpose of doing all the things that we do everyday because we don't live forever. You know?
Take care. :)
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that is totally how i felt after my grandmother passed away. thank you so much for sharing.
Posted by: the mighty jimbo at August 15, 2003 1:36 AM