o2bee.com: woke up, it was a chelsea morning

July 17, 2003

Back in the saddle again

I’m back. I guess you could say there’s been some closure to my mother’s death. After traveling to Laughlin, Nevada with a box of my mother’s ashes in my sister’s car, we followed through with her wishes and released what was left of her on a desert cliff, high over the casinos of Laughlin. The whole thing seems kind of surreal and somewhat morbid, but it’s what she wanted. I have since made my wishes clear. If I have a terminal illness, fly me to Manhattan, let me go bar hopping, get me plenty drunk, then take me to a back alley and shoot me full of heroin. Leave me there to die a New York death. If I die tragically and there is a body left, do whatever you want with the body, as long as I end up somewhere in New York.

I toyed with the decision of stopping the weblog for a number of reasons. It’s strange to pour your heart out to the world. It’s even stranger to have the world commenting on decisions you make, how you live your life, etc. Which brings me to the one thing that urks me the most—judgmental people.

I’ve had some time off which resulted in time to do a lot of thinking. I’ve come to some conclusions. If you have hard-core beliefs in anything, you stand the risk of being judgmental. Many vegans think people who eat meat are stupid and insensitive, some think vegetarians who won’t commit to veganism are lazy. Christians think the Bible says eating meat is okay so they have a clear conscience and chow down on burgers. Hard-core Christians think gays are sinners that should burn in hell. Rednecks think people who look like my husband are "fags." Even the coolest people I’ve met in my life are judgmental to a degree.

I try hard not to judge, but my feelings on hard-core Christians, Bush, rednecks and stupid people reek of judgment. I was in a restaurant in LA the other day and there was this overweight couple with their three kids, two of which were picking their noses and all of which had mullets. My first thought, "white trash."

Bottom line, shut the fuck up or you risk being judgmental. As for me, I have no plans of shutting the fuck up. So judge me if you will.

Posted at July 17, 2003 11:58 AM

Comments

hahhaa. sometimes you sound so much like my mom it is scary. :-)

Posted by: gesikah@lifewithageek.com at July 17, 2003 12:58 PM

my judgement is i love you toni!!!

Posted by: nozlee at July 17, 2003 5:30 PM

Dear Toni,
Please don't stop.

Love, Adam

Posted by: Adam at July 18, 2003 12:41 AM

We all judge.

The question is whether we have the manners and the self-control to keep our judgements to ourselves when there aren't big issues at stake (again, of course, in our judgement).

I am heinously judgemental, but not proud of it. I try very hard not to let it show, most of the time, and hope that decent behavior makes up for the internal judge-a-thon.

Posted by: Pascale Soleil at July 18, 2003 1:12 AM

The real thinker is why do we have to judge others, aren´t we allowed to live our own lives the way we want to?
I´m not trying too get clever-assed with you, I just think it shows alot about yourself the way you judge other people.

Again, please don´t stop, I love your writing although I don´t always agree.

Posted by: Sune holm at July 18, 2003 5:32 AM

Welcome back! It's good to hear that things are getting better for you. I've been to Laughlin, NV a few times when I lived in California last year (Sept-Dec with my aunt). Definitely an interesting place...

You're right in saying that we are all judgmental, everyone in their own way, even if they don't think they are. Some people are less judgmental than others of course, but we all have it in us to some extent. I believe that you should be able to say whatever you want on your website, and if people agree then fine, they should come back and comment and read, etc. BUT if people choose to come back and keep reading (even though things are said that piss them off), then that's on THEM. Some people just like drama too much and go looking for it on purpose...

Posted by: Zandria at July 18, 2003 7:37 AM

Hey Toni... I missed ya. Don't ever stop. You're writing is inspirational and I feel as if I can stay close to ya by reading.

You're the best

-Eric

Posted by: Eric at July 18, 2003 4:17 PM

Only commented a few times, but hope that none of it sounded judgemental. God knows, I don't have any room to judge anyone. If I did, I'd also have the balls to have my own blog and lay my stuff out there!

You're an interesting person with an interesting life. Those of us with boring assed lives are bound to comment, and unfortunately, some of them will judge...to h*ll with them! :o)

Posted by: k at July 19, 2003 7:49 AM

I love to judge others/things, as through doing this you learn more about yourself. However, it is knowing when to draw the line, the one that crosses in to offense.

Keep on doing it, for in my opinion you rock with a unique voice - and that's my judgement!

Posted by: vk1 at July 21, 2003 7:13 PM

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